I went to my friend’s English countryside wedding last week. It was beautiful, simple, romantic and fun. But it made me think of how different Western and Indian weddings are. One is like a roast chicken meal, minimal ingredients, not that many steps but oh so satisfying to eat. The other is akin to a biryani, a sumptuous dish with an army of ingredients and spices, multiple steps in its cooking, waves and waves of exquisite taste but liable to leave you with indigestion.
It also made me think of my parent’s wedding. I have some scant stories and seen a few pictures but it would be so wonderful to take the time to capture the event through the eyes of Ma and Baba. What rituals did they have? What were they thinking? How did they feel? In their own words. So here’s Ma’s perspective on the occasion and then Baba’s thoughts will follow in the next entry.
Ours was a very traditional arranged marriage with each other’s consent. Arranged marriages usually conjure a picture of a practical, well planned affair, devoid of any romanctic aspect. In my experience, far from it. One constantly think of the distant person. The element of surprise and anticipation of falling in love is incredibly romantic.
Before the actual wedding came the the aashisbaad (blessings) where the groom’s side comes to bless the bride usually with jewellery, sari and gifts including sweets and a whole fish, usually a Rohu. Bengal being a river-rich state with abundance of varieties of fish this item has become an auspicious symbol for weddings. Blessings are usually done with durba ( a variety of three blade fine grass) which symbolizes long life and unhusked rice which means wealth. After that the usual feasting. The ceremony really drove home the point that I was really getting married and would be leaving my home which was a part of me for an unknown place. The uppermost feeling was sadness but probably a little excitement as well.
The next part was getting ready for the wedding. As soon as the word spread, the jewelers, the cooks, the sweets makers, decorators and others flocked to the house. Jewellery design was chosen ordered, other necessary arrangements were made, e.g making the furniture etc. which was part of the trousseau. Maa beautifully embroidered and crocheted the bed linens, cheval sets (for dressing table) runners for sideboards, tray-cloths and teacosy covers. It was absolutely amazing how much she did in such a short time. Invitation lists were made. Mejomamu designed a very simple but elegant invitation letter. After a week or so Badomamu with badimami and Chinoodidi and chhotomamu arrived. My three brothers helped maa and baba organise everything. I bought my wedding sari in Kolkata with Suman mami’s help. It was an elaborate red Benarasi with intricate gold work.
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